My love affair with a foam roller

I’m working on a cruise ship, and I’ve found a very nice, very firm foam roller in the dressing room. Every morning, when I wake up and my boyfriend chooses to sleep and demands that I not make noise in the room, I soundlessly slip into my five-finger shoes and slip down to the dressing room two decks below. There I hold my secret lover – the foam roller. He knows just how to find the pain, and make it go away. I start by laying on him, and then we move through our positions like some therapeutic karma sutra. By the end of our secret session, he has made me tremble and nearly weep – there is one particular spot on my inner quad that he rolls from a certain angle that causes me to cry out.

My favorite spots to roll:

1. Upper back.
2. My hamstrings (I cross one leg over the other to get more pressure.)
3. IT band
4. My inner quads (this one makes it look like you’re humping the roller. Well, you ARE humping the roller if you’re doing it right.)
5. Gluteal muscles (Sit on the roller with one crossed leg over the other, and roll your butt.)

Here’s a great video of these rolls - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJLxruO3su0.

In the meantime – I hope my boyfriend doesn’t catch us! Or anybody, for that matter – if anybody walks in during the inner quad roll, I will have a lot of explaining to do.

Crazy Days vs. Good Food

I have an addiction, and it’s an open secret among my friends: I’m addicted to activity. I can’t stand still, I overbook myself, I cram events too tightly into the day. My friends tell me that I have a sickness; I like to think that I’m making the most out of a big full life. Either way, as things speed up in the busy Fall season, I am more and more challenged to eat well. I’m zooming from meeting to meeting, usually running late, and often don’t plan enough time to eat. I also forget to pack a delicious, healthy meal in the morning because, while I’m busy, I’m not always completely organized or realistic about how I’m using my time.

Here are my strategies that enable me to eat (fairly) healthfully while enabling my crippling addiction to activity (seriously, it’s a sickness):

1.  Nuts. I always have almonds in my bag. These save my butt when I’m running in to teach a class and I haven’t eaten. The only down side…that powdery little brown skin sticks to the roof of my mouth and makes me cough for a long time. Note to self: Don’t eat almonds before I have to speak in public!
2. Green Peppers. I core them and throw them into a baggie in my book bag, then eat them like an apple. I try to keep green peppers, little carrots, broccoli, and maybe even lightly grilled zucchini in the fridge all the time so I can throw them into a baggie and take them on a busy day…veggies are the hardest thing to get when you’re in a fast food frenzy, so I do try to stack the deck on this front.
3. Fast food that’s decent. When I actually leave myself 15 minutes to eat, I depend on Jimmy John’s (lettuce wraps, no mayo) or Chipotle (chicken-something in salad format). Both are consistent, and consistently fast. I usually eat half my portion, then save the other half for later. Two mini meals! Mostly gluten-free, to boot. I find Subway is usually tediously slow, and most other fast-food spots don’t have many healthy options.
4. A little Tupperware container of whey protein powder. Especially if I can’t get a real meal after a workout, this can save me from feeling run down. I use a very small container (just big enough for the powder & a little extra room), put the water in, cap it and shake it up, and drink about half of the thick goo – then water the rest down to drink it.
5. Cottage cheese or Greek yoghurt. Either in their own little container, or in a Tupperware. The only down side is if it sits in your bag too terribly long…
6. Apples. They don’t squish in my bag like a banana.

Finally, after a busy day or week of hectic meals on the run, I try to make any ‘sit down meals’ as vegetable based as possible: Chances are good that I’ve skimped on fruits and veggies, and had plenty of meat & dairy. Usually, by this point, the vegetables sound really delicious to me because my body is craving whatever nutrients it’s been missing (or maybe purely out of guilt, a prime motivator in my life.).

Until I deal with my addiction to constant motion and activity, I’ll have to keep finding creative ways to eat well on the run. After all, I can’t get too big for my jeans, I don’t have time to shop for new ones.

Survive The Renaissance

No summer is complete without some trip to an amusement park, a water park, or a Disney theme park. But no glittery themed amusement is more technologically advanced in terms of separating you from your buck and commonsense than a newfangled olde-fashioned Renaissance Fair. And when it comes to healthy eating, you’re screwed.

I spent 4+ hours at the Bristol Renaissance fair this Labor Day weekend, and did my best to mediate the dining damage. But what’s a boy to do, surrounded by giant fried turkey legs, butter-dipped artichokes, Spanish fries, and olde-English slushies? They wouldn’t let me bring my gluten-free snacks past the gate. Once I was in, something about the environment made me want to eat like a sheepherder from the 16th Century. Of course, sheepherders could eat whatever the Hell they want – they walked 20 miles a day and burned off that turkey leg chasing little lambs over hills and dales. And died at 43 from some plague or tooth rot or something.

I made it about 100 feet into the Fair before I had to have a beer; then I was super-hungry from the 60 minute wait in the car to get from the exit to the parking lot, so we had to get some jerky. Then it was all downhill. Each mediocre choice opened the door for something worse – and everybody around me was eating delicious fried things and offering them to me. No wonder the ladies dress in tight corsets and the lords had blousy shirts with slimming vests! How do those workers last all summer without having heart attacks?

So here’s what I ate & drank:

1 beer
Chicken blobs on a stick with a dash of red peppers
½ a bratwurst sandwich, minus the delicious sauerkraut because I was sharing with my boyfriend
2 fried cheese balls
1 big piece of toffee while shopping in the traditional Renaissance gaming store
½ a big chocolate muffin
1 cup of coffee (that muffin was putting me to sleep.)
Massive sheet of beef jerky

It could have been worse – but it could have been a lot better: I could have kept from snacking off of everybody else’s snacks. I could have packed more food for the ride to the Fair, so that I wasn’t famished and vulnerable. (The salesclerk ladies hawking fried sweet things put their tip money in their cleavage – JUST LIKE FOOD VENDORS IN LONDON CIRCA 1530 MUST HAVE! YES I’LL HAVE THE CHEESEBALLS PLEASE!)

I just chalk it up to one big Cheat day.

Hooked on Neti

I grew up with allergies: cats, dogs, molds, pollens, air. Every week I would get an allergy shot, and then once every year I would go downtown to Cincinnati to get a bunch of shots in my back or arm from the allergist to determine how my allergies were going. Probably due to all that hot hypodermic action as a child, I can handle cats, dogs, even pollen and molds now. Allergy season still causes me to sneeze a bit, but nothing like what it would have been. Thanks to technology.

But not satisfied with my reduced allergy symptoms, I have taken up the 3000-year old practice of pouring salt water into one nostril and letting it run out the other nostril, aka nasal cleansing, aka the Neti Pot. I had overheard my singer friends talking about theirs, in hushed worshipful tones – “Oh, I never get colds anymore.” Then I saw a woman buying one at Whole Foods. It’s a squat little teapot with the spout coming from the bottom of the chamber. I was sold; I got the pot, and I bought a little baggie of non-iodized salt. Who doesn’t like a miracle drug, especially one that thumbs its nose at 3000 years of progress in pharmaceuticals?


Here’s how it works: You scoop in some non-iodized salt (the amount depends on your pot – mine recommends 1/8 teaspoon) and some warm water, and make sure the salt is dissolved. And that the water’s not too hot. I’ve learned the hard way that the inside of my nose does not like hot water and salt crystals. Then, tip your head like you’re lying on a pillow, put the neti pot spout in your top nostril, and pour the salty liquid in, letting it run gently out your bottom nostril into the sink. Keep the neti pot close to your face. It takes a few tries before you stop feeling like you’re waterboarding yourself; sometimes I still end up with a mouthful of water somehow.


With my neti pot, I often find that a headcold doesn’t get a firm grip on my head – it dissipates faster, and I’m less likely to lose my voice. Also, allergy season is a little less oppressive if I’m religious about neti potting morning and night. For me, it’s as effective as taking a decongestant, and more effective than your typical cold medicine, since most of those make me sleepy and hyper AT THE SAME TIME so I’m too tired to do anything, but too jittery to sleep.


The Down Sides: I’m scared to neti pot (yes, I am using it as a verb) every day of the year: Some doctors believe that overdoing it can send a sinus infection deeper into your sinus cavities. If my nose is extremely stuffed up, the water just pours through my mouth. It also adds extra time to my morning and evening routine. My boyfriend thinks I’m crazy. And it’s one more thing to pack when I travel.


For me, the benefits outweigh the inconvenience and the concerns: I love my neti-pot, and I love that it lets me avoid taking another pill during allergy season. Best of all, I always have an extra store of salt in the bathroom if we run out in the kitchen.

The Five Fingers of Health

Five Fingers of Health: My Quirky Philosophy on Staying Healthy

When I was very young, health was not something you did, it was something you had. Now I can see that health is something you do to yourself. Certainly, some health issues are beyond our control – getting hit by cars, genetic predispositions to breast cancer, mental illness. However, so much of what goes wrong with our bodies after 40 could be cut off at the pass through lifestyle changes. Eat less. Eat better. Get exercise. Don’t smoke. Get sleep. These things seem logical, but sometimes impossible in the chaos of the day by day.


America is not built for healthy people: It pretends to be, with its huge diet magazine selections and gyms on every corner – but who has the time to use them with the pressure to work longer hours to keep your crappy job and then get home and watch the DVR’d finale for American Idol? We prize thin, sexy bodies, but fill every surface with ads for Chillis Too and Coke. It’s a jungle out there, and we’ve forgotten how to say “Enough.”


Here are the my guiding beliefs when it comes to staying healthy – there are five of them, like five fingers:


Eat Consciously
People who have a reason to eat consciously often eat more healthfully. Vegans and Vegetarians, people with food allergies are forced to check ingredients and ask questions about the food they are eating. People who eat only organic food, or local foods take the time to look at not only the content of what they eat, but the process by which it is (or rather, isn’t!) processed. You are what you eat, but you eat what you are: Part of being an adult is discovering your relationship with food. Ultimately, food fuels us. It can also be the place we go when we’re sad, tired, and even celebrating. At 40, it’s high time to be in charge of what goes in your mouth. You’re too old to ‘eat what’s put on your plate.’


Move Your Body Every Day
I believe that the less you move your body, the less able it is to move. We have become a culture that is sometimes embarrassed to walk at lunch; to close our office door and stretch after a couple hours hunched at the computer. We need movement every day – and a variety of movement, too, not just a few minutes on the stairmaster: You’re better off doing 5 minutes of stairmaster, 5 minutes of the bike, and 5 minutes of calisthenics like jumping jacks. Little kids romp and play and their bodies stay flexible, strong and agile.


Moderation
I don’t believe in monastic diets or pursuing long term fitness goals that tear the body down more than they build it up. I do believe that constant splurging can cause trouble, even if it’s splurging on running. Or French fries. But somewhere in the middle is a lifestyle where you truly feel like you’re enjoying the food you eat and the exercise you choose, where it fuels your busy life rather than impedes it. It’s all about Balance Finding balance between work and rest, healthy foods and luxury foods, exercise that’s fun and exercise that you know you’re supposed to do is important. If you push yourself too hard, your body breaks down. If you’re not rigorous to some extent, your body breaks down…(or in my case, breaks down sugar!)


Everybody Lies: Trust Nothing/ Get Evidence
It doesn’t matter what I believe – or even what any scientist or researcher believes: Nobody has the silver bullet for health, diet or exercise. There’s some evidence about what makes you live longer, but we don’t know for sure. One study can tell you to eat like a caveman, another study can tell you to eat like a Southbeach metrosexual. My yoga teacher tells me to stretch one way, my running book tells me that’s completely wrong. You can’t trust anybody or anything – get opposing viewpoints. Read. Find non-advertiser supported resources. (All my favorite workout books are in cahoots with different supplement companies! I read them with a grain of salt.) And most especially – don’t trust anything on the front of a label. It’s the ingredients on the back that count.


Eat Simple: The less processed, the better
I’ve heard the phrase “don’t eat anything with ingredients your grandmother wouldn’t recognize.” Well, my grandmother hardly ever read food labels or would have cared about High Fructose Corn Syrup. But it can be helpful to keep in mind that there is a pervasive use of processed additives in the past 40 years. I try to keep the bulk of my foods as natural as possible – fruits, veggies, fish. I’m eating less bread lately, but whole-grains can be a part of this (If you read the labels carefully!)


There they are – five fingers of health. So, the next time somebody rolls their eyes when you go for a run at lunch, or your date gives you a pained look when you ask your waiter what’s in the entrée, give them the finger.

Following my Gut: Digestive Obsession

At my last checkup, the one where the doctor says “You’re 40, let me stick my finger up your butt,” I received some disquieting news: Some of my lingering health complaints lined up with the symptoms of Gluten Intolerance. I have always thought of myself as a tolerant person, I love everyone of all races and creeds! And I also love to eat anything and everything! So my doctor suggested that I do some homework on Celiac disease, gluten intolerance, and food allergies and check in at my next check-up.
In ancient cultures, they would read the entrails of a slaughtered animal to look for signs of bad omens. My entrails give bad omens, and they’re still safely housed in my body: I poop a lot, and it’s usually runny. I also sleep poorly more often than not. I eat a ton and never gain weight. I have an aunt who was just diagnosed with gluten intolerance. These are a few of the signs of gluten intolerance. So, I thought “How hard can it be to cut gluten out of my diet to see if I’m intolerant?”

Apparently, it’s impossible when you’re working on a cruise ship. Everything is battered in flour, even the raw vegetables. Nonetheless, because I’m obsessed with the thought of gluten now, I’ve cut out all the apparent sources of gluten (bread, crackers, breaded things, delicious croissants fresh from the oven with melty butter on them) and the sneaky sources (soy sauce, beer, liquor, fun) although I can’t quite cut out the ‘probably tainted’ sources (meats probably dusted with flour, rice, oats.) It will be easier when I’m off the ship to really dig into a restricted diet – meanwhile, I’ve made adjustments where I can.

And then every few days (usually the day we’re in New York), I cheat and eat a slice of pizza. I know it screws up my scientific testing, but I could die tomorrow and I’ll be damned if I die with nothing more than a quinoa cracker digesting in my gut! (Speaking of which, I have tried several Gluten Free foods, including crackers made from Quinoa and Flax Seed. They taste like a real cracker that has been burnt and stripped of any flavor. I eat them to punish myself for wanting to snack.)

I have noticed I’m pooping less. I’m sleeping maybe a bit better. Still, I don’t feel as though I’ve found the silver bullet; I could have a completely different food allergy altogether; or I may be ingesting buckets of wheat gluten in hidden forms on the ship. While I certainly have a new understanding of what people with severe food allergies must go through, I’m hoping that I resolve my minor complaints and that it has nothing to do with gluten: It’s a big lifestyle change and makes you a pain in the ass at every dinner party for the rest of your life. Still, there’s something exciting and sexy about a drastic food allergy – the way it allows you to draw attention to yourself every few minutes in a restaurant. “Can you make this dish without soy sauce? Is your ice cream organic – does it have cookie dough in it? Did I mention to everybody at this meal that I CANNOT EAT GLUTEN? DOES EVERYBODY KNOW HOW SPECIAL I AM? No, lady, I cannot move my chair so you can get your Wheelchair to the bathroom, I have a GLUTEN ALLERGY!”

Cramming In Some Exercise

How to Fit a Workout Into Your Day
I like to operate at a breakneck pace, and I’ve learned that I can’t keep it up unless I exercise to replenish my energy, give my brain a break and fuel my body. When we’re busy it can feel like there can never be time to fit it in. Or the energy to go through with it. But it’s not about having the energy to exercise: It’s about getting the energy THROUGH exercise to live the rest of your day! When you exercise, you’ll have the energy to get more done more efficiently, and you’ll be doing it for many more years.

Here’s how I cram it in:

Schedule your exerciseJust as you schedule a lunch, schedule your exercise. It won’t happen on its own. You won’t accidentally end up at the gym, or the yoga studio – you have to schedule it. Set alarms on your watch. Pack your workout clothes. Ask a friend to call to nag you.

Make promises you have to keep
Find a workout partner who’s always on time; Make an appointment near the gym so you are obliged to exercise before or after your meeting; Prepay for pilates at a certain time every day; pay a little more for boxing lessons with a trainer. If you’re cheap like me, you’ll want to make it worth the money.

When Life Comes Up – RESCHEDULE
Life comes up – if your workout gets preempted, make sure it gets rescheduled. Even if that means calling your spouse to let them know you’ll be doing your weird Kundalini Yoga tape before dinner tonight. The more consistently you exercise, the more energy you’ll have to deal with life as it comes to you!

Commute Creatively
I love to bike everywhere – and a good bike ride can inspire me and get my blood flowing. Plus, the efficient side of me loves the thought that my exercise is accomplishing something – getting me somewhere! I sometimes need to get creative in my logistics: I don’t want to show up to teach a class dripping with sweat. But when it works out, it feels great. Other tricky ways to squeeze in some extra motion throughout the day: Taking the stairs, getting off a couple stops early on the train, parking at the back of the parking lot. Can you do your calls on a headset while you’re walking in a quiet neighborhood at lunch?

Take a Class at the Gym
If you gym offers classes, schedule one. I get so embarrassed to show up late that I make myself get there on time. For me, it’s best if I have a crush on the teacher…then I’m more likely to go.

A little is better than nothing
If you only have 20 minutes at the gym, use it. Don’t give up. That’s better than nothing. Some of my best workouts are the shortest ones. I keep a folder of workouts from Men’s health in my bag – I can always pull from those if I’m in a pinch. My favorite quick workout lately is The Minutes.

Pack your exercise clothes the night before
When my exercise clothes are laid out, or in my day bag, it’s hard to ignore them. For me, beyond my clothes, my toys can be a big motivator: If I learn a new exercise for my exercise band, then I’m excited to use it, and just the sight of the band in my bag motivates me.

Start your exercise before you start your Exercise
You might not be competing in an elite endurance event, but your brain can still help your body succeed. I start my workout on the way to the gym – getting psyched up while I bike there, mentally going through my plan for the day. Often, I go right from work activity to exercise with no transition time: then I know I can use my warm-up time not only to get my body going, but also to get my brain focused the task at hand. I find that exercise is often the most present I am during the entire day, but it takes a bit of work to disengage my brain from everything going on before and coming up after. But your brain will thank you for the time off, focusing on something as simple as breathing or moving a kettleball from here to there.

Workout Du Jour: The Minutes

I get bored easily, so this workout appeals to my short attention span.

I do a full-body workout, leaning toward body weight or freeweight exercises, 3 sets of 8-10 reps each.  Between each set, I do 60 seconds of something active - jumping rope, running in place, jumping jacks, etc.

The Minutes:

5 Minutes - Elliptical or light calesthenics to get the body warmed up.

Then, do these exercises, 8 to 10 reps of each.  Between each exercise, do one thing from the 'Active minute' list. 

Exercises:
Body Weight Squats (Legs)
Lunge Walks (Legs)
Push-ups (Chest & Arms)
Dumbell Rows (Chest and Arms)
DB Shoulder Press (Shoulders)
Crunches on a Balance Ball (Abs, Core)

Active Things (1 minute)
Jump Rope
Run in Place
Hop side to side
Jumping Jacks
Hold a Plank (this can be active after you're warmed up!)
Once you go through this once (the six exercises, and cycles of active minutes) you can repeat the whole thing once or twice more.

At the end of your workout, take 5 minutes to cool down.  Stretch, breath, let your heart rate return to normal. 

Cheating

I read somewhere that one of Jackie O's responses to finding out she had cancer was "All those sit ups!"  No matter how healthy we are, we can die tomorrow, right?  Do I want my last meal to be garbanzos and rice crackers?  Well, maybe, because I have issues - but I'd rather have a chocolate feast, y'all, in my heart.

I like to cheat; I have to cheat to trick my brain.  A little splurging goes a long way - whether it's eating desert, or sleeping in (when I can), or skipping a workout to play guitar.  Or even having a boozy night to remind myself why I don't need to have more boozy nights.  Cheating is necessary.  Some people believe that cheat days shocks the body into processing fat and carbs; Some people feel that skipped workouts or easy workouts allow your body time to rest.  I don't know about all that - I just know that it lets off some steam so I can get through the day without eating a block of chocolate and humping the furniture.

Here are my thoughts about cheating:

1. Don't do it too often - if you do, it isn't a cheat, it's your "normal."  The very fact that you think of a splurge as a cheat insinuates that you know where your balance lies: Small meals throughout the day, exercise 3 or more times a week, some physical activity each day of the week.
2. Put your cheats into categories: a desert cheat, a main course cheat, a crappy workout cheat, the "I'm willing to walk two miles...to the ice cream store" cheat.
3. Cheat on the micro level ("Bro, can I get a bite of your pie...") and the macro level: Take a few days off from heavy exercise every couple of months.  Let yourself splurge a bit on vacations or at the holidays.  These remind you what balance feels like - and if you overdo the splurge, what imbalance feels like.
4. Remember - a cheat is a cheat; let it be the exception, not the rule. 

How To Eat on a Cruise Ship: Making it a Game

MAKE IT A GAME:

Who doesn't love a game? If your brain enjoys being tricked into accomplishing your goals - like mine does - maybe these will work for you:

1. You and your spouse can get each other's meals for the other. (Certainly by this point you know that they won't eat that okra, so don't even try.) It's always easy to be moderate when it's not your belly doing the selecting.


2. Get a calorie counting ap on your iPhone and stick to it - let yourself have a higher calorie cap than you would regularly. This would drive me nuts, but if you like to be in control of details this might turn you on.


3. Eat More Meals: But think of them as half-meals - smaller portions, smaller plates. Your body will be revved up all day long and you'll have energy for that snorkeling excursion. Be careful that you don't end up eating 6 full meals a day. And if you do, don't blame me.
   • Don't walk through the buffet on accident. You know it's not an accident, and you know darn well that cookie will jump into your mouth.


4. If you are really obsessed about staying at a particular weight, you can always visit the ship's gym and weigh yourself. (This is easier when the ship’s in port: At sea, it gives you a crazy reading because you're shifting all over the place.)

How To Eat on a Cruise Ship: Eating Off The Ship

OFF THE SHIP:

I'm in Nassau as I post this, eating a cookie. But I did follow my rule to eat breakfast before I got off the ship!

1. Opt for active excursions. Don't push yourself beyond your comfort zone - if you're not a hiker, don't sign up for a mountainous treck! But don't be afraid of walking tours, golf, snorkel excursions, or, if the area is safe, a little exploration on foot. Many people take it TOO easy on their vacation, and then they aren't tired enough to sleep at night, and subsequently don't have the energy to enjoy their next day. If you're naturally a high-energy person, then plan some physical fun.



2. Beware of excursions that come with a meal: Often the food is cheap and fatty. I try to limit my splurge to the ones that include an authentic local meal (chicken roti, conch fritters, that sort of thing.) I skip the desert and the sugary cool-aid. Unless it's cool-aid with rum, then I can't resist.



3. Eat a meal before getting off the ship. Many people do this out of shear cheapness. But it's also a way to control what you're eating and keep from going crazy on chips and dips with your pina colada at the beach.



4. Limit your pina coladas on the beach! It's never a great idea to get too drunk in a strange place anyway. Steer clear of activities that revolve around getting trashed. Not only do the drinks beget crazy salty snacking, but drunk tourists are easy picking for local con artists and thieves.

How To Eat On A Cruise Ship: At The Bar

AT THE BAR

• Watch out for blended drinks! If you're going to have a bushwacker, make it your desert for the day. If I'm in the mood for liquor, I try to stick to the straight stuff on ice - no calories beyond the booze, and I'm forced to sip it. Or something mixed with diet cola.


• You've heard it before, but it's worth repeating: Red Wine, Red Wine, Red Wine. If you're gonna put booze in your belly, it might as well have antioxidants in it.


• If you're a beer drinker, try to substitute a light beer - or at least trick yourself and make every other beer a light beer. Sometimes, the opposite works for me: I'll have one delicious dark beer in an evening, and feel satisfied (and kind of full) - rather than drinking three lighter beers.


• Splurge Big, in Small Portions: If I'm in a particularly festive mood, I'll go for one big, expensive martini. I'm forced to drink it slow (and I'm a fast drinker!), it feels like a treat, and I often find I don't need a lot of other drinks the rest of the evening. Even though I work on the cruise ship, I'm surrounded by the Vacation mentality, so I NEED to splurge from time to time.


• If you have good self-control, then you can dare to befriend your bartender and tip them in cash. You'll get stronger mixed drinks - and you'll need less of them before you're ready to retire to your stateroom.

How To Eat on a Cruise Ship: At The Restaurant

AT THE RESTAURANT:

• Tell yourself: It's OK to leave food on your plate. It really is. It isn't 1943. We aren't in a terrible depression. (OK, maybe we are.) If it bothers you that much, you won't order as much the next time. (Please Note: This is great in theory, but doesn't work for me. I can't stand to leave food on my plate...after college I lived in Hungary, where I lived on $40 a month and often went Hungary.)


• Co-order: If you have a taste for several of the appetizers, work with your spouse or people at your table to share some of the dishes rather than ordering a full serving. This works great with desert, too. I go one step further: I make my boyfriend order a desert and then eat off of his.


• Don't be afraid to substitute from other entrees. The ship I'm on has multiple meal options, and I often pick and choose between them: Hold the fries and get a side-salad; hold the pasta and get the vegetable of the day. In the Mexican restaurant, a salad that I love comes with one of those crispy bowl-shells - delicious, but hardly necessary. I always ask for the salad in a regular (inedible) bowl. If there are fries on my plate, I'll eat them - so I try to cut them off at the pass.


• Ask for water if it's not served.


• Ask the waiter to take away the bread basket once everybody has had some bread; or put it out of reach. Put it in front of the other couple at the table. Bread is an easy way to add tons of calories to your meal! (When I have bread, which isn't very often anymore since I suspect I'm allergic to gluten, I always butter it: It's delicious and lavish and the butter makes one piece feels more substantial. And I could die tomorrow, so I'm gonna butter my bread.)

How to Eat on a Cruist Ship: At the Buffet

AT THE BUFFET:

• Cruise through the buffet to see everything that's available first. I will hate you because you are that dubious New Yorker floating in front of me at the salad bar, slowing me down...but you will be less likely to get the schnitzel and the bacon and the muffin if you scout out your favorite Croissant ahead of time.


• Limit yourself to one plate...at a time! I allow myself just one plate. THen I sit as far away from the buffet as possible. If I'm still hungry after that one plate, I can go back for another one...I figure the walk back will burn it off, right? For extra credit, grab a smaller plate. One of the acappella singers on our ship goes as far as to put a small bowl upside down on his plate for less surface area; that would only inspire me to create mount vesuvius on mine - piling it as high as physics would allow before a pea avalanche. (Heh heh - I said pea avalanche.) Don't forget this mantra: It's a buffet - I can always come back for more.


• Hit the salad bar first. Everybody likes some vegetable or another - and they usually take up a lot of space on your plate. After the salad bar, hit up the grilled or steamed vegetables. Then, after you have delicious veggies on your plate, you can hit up the dirty delicious things...


• Limit yourself to one serving of meat per meal. One serving is as big as a deck of cards. I know - that's not much! But don't forget you can always use the serving spoon to muscle that fish fillet in half so that you can have it AND part of a chicken breast. Be careful of saucy dishes with meat and goo, like Lamb Curry or Cheesy Chicken Delight. These often have the fattiest cuts of meat in them - the stuff they want to hide among the goo. My boyfriend practices this clever tactic: He gets a turkey burger or a chicken breast, and then spoons a bit of the delicious goo from the curry or buttery delight over it. That way he has some flavor on his leaner bit of meat. With the calories he saves, he gets an ice cream.


• These are dirty delicious things: Cheesy Casseroles, Fried meats, Greasy Pastas, pizza, buttery saucy things, bacon, sausage, white bread. Give yourself tiny portions of these - I often find that a tiny bit of cheesy deliciousness satisfies my craving for it. If the urge is overwhelming, use the mantra: I can always come back for more.


• Deserts: Don't grab your desert with your meal. Make yourself go back for it afterward. Most buffet deserts come in reasonably small portions...as long as you don't grab three of them! If you get soft serve ice cream, get it in a tiny container rather than a cone - the container usually limits the size by the mere physics. You don't want a tall skinny tower of chocolate soft serve falling over on your hand at the pool deck, do you?


• Drink a lot of water. I set down my plate and then use both hands to get my water - two to three glasses of it, with ice and lemon which makes it feel special. (And the lemon is there, why not?) If I'm getting coffee, I try to force myself to use 2% milk in it...or at the very least put my cream in before the coffee so I'm forced to see how much cream I'm giving myself.

How To Eat on a Cruise Ship Without Gaining Five Pounds

I am working on a cruise ship for four months. This is a good thing for my pocketbook - as an actor, it can be hard to scrape together work. It's a bad thing for my belly, though. I have easier access to a buffet than a high-roller at a Vegas hotel casino. When I go to a restaurant, I can order as many appetizers and main courses and deserts as I want. Two orders of crispy wontons? Yep. Another steak? Yep yep. The chocolate cake AND the blueberry cheesecake? Yep yep yep. I am cheaper than I am healthy, so 'more for my money' is a tempting siren cry. It is very hard to get through the buffet without a plate in each hand.

They say (and who 'they' are I don't know) that the average cruiser gains five pounds during a cruise. Maybe it's the soft serve ice-cream machine; maybe it's the speedy waiters bringing you martinis; maybe it's sedimentary layers of sunblock... Whatever the case, Cruise Ships can be deadly for your resolve. Here are some helpful practices that allow me to splurge within reason. It's your vacation after all!

THE BOTTOM LINE:

• Splurge big, in small portions.
• Eat the Fruit. Fill up on Apples and Watermelons.
• Beware of Late Night Food!
• Eat smaller meals more frequently. Eat a meal first thing in the morning.
• Take a walk around the deck every evening. It's romantic, forces you to enjoy the scenery, and keeps you metabolism up.